Two years ago today I said vows to the two most important men in my life Loki and Jake. Loki put all His considerable talents of trickery and misdirection together to help me plan and write the vows for a very Pagan handfasting that didn’t look or sound so alarmingly different as to make any of my Christian family members put up a fuss. The day went of without a hitch only Jake’s step-mom noticed and complained that it wasn’t a Christian ceremony. Everyone else kept on complimenting us on such a beautiful ceremony.
Two years have flown by and so much has happened in that time. We’ve moved, Emily was born, my oldest daughter hit that lovely age where I’m a senile babbling idiot. There have been births and deaths, tragedies and triumphs all the joys, pains and mundane things that make life so full and interesting. Loki has been there for all of it, and never once caused me to regret the leap of faith it took for me to say yes to marrying Him.
There have been quiet a few moments where I was so glad to have Him around. Like when my best friend here in town was brutally raped and the police department mishandled the investigation, lost evidence, and then engaged in despicable game of victim blaming before dropping the investigation. My friend was freaking suicidal I was been called out at all hours of the day or night to talk her down from doing something desperate. Then one of the detectives shows up at my house, and tries to threaten me into saying my friend is a liar by rather strongly hinting that if I lied for her I could face criminal charges too. I could feel the rage bubbling up inside me, but somehow Loki managed to keep me calm enough to tell the officer that no I would not be cooperating with them, and that I personally found them to be a life form just a little bit lower than pond scum without ending up in handcuffs.
Loki was my rock while I was trying to be hers. Loki helped me hold it together when she lost both her grandparents this past winter just months apart. I had come to love her granny as much as I had my own. She was a sweet, good-hearted woman with more inner strength and goodness in her pinkie finger than most people have in their entire body. The sudden death of her grandfather, and then the rapid decline of her grandmother was painful to watch. It’s hard to watch someone you care about and consider to be the sister you never had go through so much in so short as span of time. It’s scary to sit there and wonder if this is going to be the straw that breaks the camels back. Add to that how being in the hospital when the doctors give up and say it’s just a matter of time is hard when you’ve been there before and you know exactly what the people around you are going through and that nothing you can do or say is really going to help at all. Loki helped me to force back the tears when I told her it would be okay that time heals all wounds all the while knowing I was lying my ass off, because my grandfather passed in 1991 and my grandmother is 1994. It’s been roughly 20 years give or take since I lost my grandparents, and thinking about losing them can still reduce me to a tearful blubbering mess. Yes we move on and the pain becomes a duller over time, but given the right circumstances it can come back with stunning clarity and sharpness. Loki helped me hold it together for my friend’s sake, and once I was alone He let me completely fall apart and have a good cry. Usually Loki isn’t one for allowing you to dwell on things or engage in a nice pity party, but when you need to grieve Loki understands all too well.
One things I have tried to do with this blog is show the reality of this whole godspouse situation. I’ve tried to portray it as a real marriage because that is the reality of it. Loki is not Prince Charming. He’s not perfect it isn’t going to be all sunshine and daisies, rainbows and roses and mind-blowing sex. It’s work. It’s sharing your life with someone who is so much bigger and more powerful than you. It’s every bit as complicated as a marriage to another human and then some. It certainly isn’t the be all end all of deity relationships, and certainly not what everyone should feel they need to aspire to. It’s wonderful and overwhelming all at once, exhilarating and humbling, a huge ball of so many contrasting emotions that it’s near impossible to piece them apart to examine exactly how you feel. Crazy as it all can be sometimes I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything though.
So Loki I love you more than ever, and I’m so thankful I have you in my life even when you’re driving me to distraction and turning everything in my life upside down the very last thing I’d ever want is a life without you. Loki you are my friend, my mentor and teacher, my husband, my God and I love you dearly.
Life with Loki 