Ahh….Loki!

And just like that I go from wanting to kiss him to wanting to kill him. Loki dearest I know you want alone time and I know you wanted The whole weekend but did you have to get me suspended from a job I really love to do that Honey, Dearest you fucking asshole. You know I love you and you know I’ll forgive you but right now I wanna scream.

So just what did the redhead do this time you ask? Well let me tell you. Loki wants his camping trip Because of my new second job and not having been there long enough to ask off it was just going to be overnight on Beltane after I got off work from my second job at 5. I’d have to leave the campground early to be back at that job by noon. I guess Loki figured out a way to get me off without getting me fired.

I’ve worked at this job for about a month already and really love it. I’m working as a DSP (Direct Support Professional) taking care of someone with intellectual disabilities on the weekend. Mostly my job consists of taking them out and doing fun things with the on the weekend. I also help them clean and cook healthy meals. Really it is an awesome job and I really like the person I work with. To work as a DSP you have to get a criminal background check done. My employer did one but hired me and put me on shift before it came back because I was already working for another company as a DSP and had passed the background check with flying colors and I’ve been there for two and a half years. Knowing that they felt safe in hiring me. Well the criminal background check came back today and apparently I have a felony assault and battery charge from 1998 that I know absolutely nothing about. I’ve never gotten into a physical altercation with anyone. I’ve never been arrested, went to court, or been in jail over it. I honestly haven’t a clue what it could possibly be about. Back in 1998 I was a stay at home mom with a 2 year old I wasn’t out getting into fistfights with anyone. Aside from a girl hitting me back in like 9th or 10th grade I’ve never been in a fight in my life. I called the courthouse in my hometown the have no records of this. It couldn’t be from anywhere else because I didn’t do any traveling at that time. I contacted the state police and they are requesting information on it and will get back to me sometime tomorrow hopefully. I have a sneaking suspicion that nothing will get resolved until next Monday after Loki has had me all to Himself for the weekend.

So this song.

It reminds me so much of Loki with the exception of Loki does bring change but not in a judgemental I only accept perfection sort of way. Loving a God who loves me flaws and all has been such a freeing experience.

https://youtu.be/XkB6h1koK-o

Loki Makes it Happen

So he wants the camping trip and he wants a rededication/vow renewal and in true Loki style he’s went over the top with the planning. Loki gets excited and turns into a kid in the candy store He wants everything He wants to do everything. When Loki is on fire for something He is a force to be reckoned with.

I told him we’d buy a tent and some camping supplies and I’d include lots of his favorite foods and drinks. Then Loki was like I want you to buy a pretty dress last time I begged for a dress that really wasn’t your style I want you to feel beautiful this time. My thoughts were Loki we’re going to be camping I’m not wearing a pretty dress that I like out there. He’s like you can put it on in the tent after we get everything set up just wear it for the ritual. Loki I can’t afford to buy a dress right now part of me is feeling worried and guilty for spending what I have already spent on this. Please don’t He implores I will take care of everything you’ll see.

Go to the Goodwill he insists your dress is there. Okay I think maybe I’ll find something I sorta like. Loki points out a strapless red prom dress. Loki no it would get ruined and there might be some teenage girl who needs that dress for her actual prom it’s the only plus sized prom dress here. Okay he says sounding a little disappointed. I found a short flowing thing in colors from coral to a smokey grey. That’s pretty I say Loki is very Eh it’s alright. Next I find a short low cut red dress in a soft comfortable fabric I know Loki likes this it’s not THE dress but I know he likes it. I’m getting this one because I know you like it. But it’s not what you want He reminds I know but I know you like it and I will wear it for you just not for the ceremony. Alright He says then draws my attention to another rack of dresses look there He says. I see it and it’s beautiful. Lacy, long, cream colored lace with a blush pink lining and just my size. Loki I love it! I knew you would He says. Now lets find you shoes to go with it. Loki wants me in high heels I don’t want a broken ankle we compromise over a pair of wedge healed shoes that go nicely with the dress.

Next He made me cry. No not in a bad way it was tears of joy. I’m so damn happy right now it’s ridiculous. Asked for Saturday off from work Loki wanted the ceremony on Beltane. I haven’t had a Saturday off in about a year. Got the call from my boss I had Saturday off. Next I got a text confirming the tent would be delivered Friday. Lastly the lake where I want to go camping last time I was there a couple years ago the road was a nightmare like fuck up your car the potholes and ruts were so deep. I was like Loki we are going to go check and see what that road looks like if it’s bad we’re finding another spot. The road had been completely redone. It’s as smooth as any dirt road is going to get. Loki is grinning like the cat that ate the canary. Loki did you do this I ask? Yep I may have lit a fire under the state of Virginia’s butt to get the road up to this campground fixed so people could you know get up here and enjoy it without owning a fourwheeler. You did this so I could get my car up here? I asked. Yes Love I did I wanted you to have the ceremony here because you love it here. I cried I was amazed he a God would do all this for me. I’m still just sitting here smiling in amazement.

A Little Backstory….

So I have been absent from the Lokean community for several years. I guess I should fill you guys in on a few things like what I’ve been up to. First of all last night was a rant. Have you ever just found life too busy and too full of this obligation or that to slow down and really spend time with yourself or your Gods and you feel like you’re losing that connection with Them? For the moms out there have you ever felt like I love my family but I need some me time? My batteries are low, the tank is nearing empty I’ve gave and gave and loved and nurtured and now I need a moment to breathe to recharge. Mommy’s about to go batshit if she doesn’t.

It been a year for everyone hasn’t it? Covid 19 lockdowns, schools closing then going virtual, jobs closing for lockdown, spending more time with your loved ones than you ever have before. It’s been a blessing and a curse for most of us. We get to have all the quality time we’ve been missing but we are trapped in the house with our family for better or worse. For my family this has included being in quarantine because I caught Covid 19 at work last June, taking a really nice vacation after I got better and we came out of quarantine, then my husband stepping on a tac, getting MRSA almost dying, nearly losing his foot, being in the hospital for a month, being out of work for 4 months, going back to discover he wasn’t as strong as he used to be and worry over the bills causing him to go into a deep depression and attempt suicide. Like I said it was a year of highs and lows forced closeness and isolation. It’s been crazy.

Now as to what I’ve been up to. Well I got that degree as a paralegal and was all hyped up to go work in the legal field. However those types of jobs are scarce in my area and I needed a job ASAP damnit. So I fell back on my previous work experience and worked as a home health aid to a really lovely elderly lady for almost a year till she got to the point that she needed to go to a nursing home. My next job was at a drug rehab we had such a high employee turnover that being there for 4 months made me a long-time employee and capable of training new hires. It was an um interesting place to work. A fellow co-worker talked me into putting in an application at a group home for adults with intellectual disabilities. I’ve been there ever since. I weirdly stumbled into a job I came to love. So that’s been some of what I’ve been up to.

What else oh my oldest went into the Marine Corps, and got married. We were unofficial foster parents to a friend of his for his last year of high school so Chris is adopted family now. Chris had a best friend Blake who also got unofficially adopted into the family. We were also for a short time foster parents to my mortal hubby’s nephews. We bought a house My three oldest kids all are full grown adults and out on their own now. One of my kids came out as trans. One was molested by my husband’s dad and his dad went to prison for it and he’s now ate up with cancer. I’ve gotten to travel more in the past couple years. Um I think that’s about it and I might go into further details at some point.

Alone Time

Loki and I need some badly in the worst way. Try to meditate mortal hubby or one of the kids walks in sits down and starts talking, try to dedicate a candle to Loki same thing, and on and on it goes I’m NEVER alone. Kids and mortal hubby even follow me to the bathroom for fucks sake. How do you have any sort of spiritual practice when you can’t beg, borrow, or steal 5 minutes to yourself?

My husband is no longer working and he’s home All The Time he’s up my ass 90 percent of the time and anytime I try to do anything witchy or spiritual he’s there staring at me and asking 20 fricking questions. I love him, but I need some space damn it. Most days his ass never leaves the bed. I’m really trying to be patient and supportive. He’s been sick he’s going through a major depressive episode but parts of me are hurt and resentful. Mostly because he gets sick and it’s a big deal and he needs to be coddled I get sick and I’m faking, the doctors are wrong and I’m fine, depressed, dealing with anxiety, feeling suicidal it’s all suck it up buttercup but the world must stop and treat him with kid gloves because he’s depressed. I’m working two jobs to keep a roof over our heads and he just lays in bed and lets the kids trash the house don’t worry don’t nobody jump up to help me or anything I just pulled a sixteen hour shift at one job I have 2 hours before I have go work 5 hours at another sure let me get the laundry folded and load the dishwasher for you guys I wouldn’t want anyone to strain themselves helping me out here. Do the grocery shopping sure ya’ll I can carry in all the groceries myself. Lawn needs mowing let me hop right on that.

If I’m not working or cleaning or running errands I’m tired I just want to sleep but no then my hubby wants to talk which mostly consists of him bitching about how awful I am at everything

I’m exhausted but told how lazy I am, I’m lonely but never alone. Loki wants my attention and I want nothing more than to spend time with Him. He’s the one keeping me from completely falling apart. I want to show Him how grateful I am and how much I love him.

Loki has mortal hubby on probation he knows he’s not well and this is not normal behavior for him. But Loki’s temper is starting to boil. Right now it is at a low simmer. He’s worried about me and he knows I’ve spoken up and tried to be honest about how overworked and unappreciated I feel and it’s fallen on deaf ears. Loki knows he’s the only person I have to lean on right now.

Loki set his foot down we are going camping just for a night maybe two just the two of us. We’re going to have some time as God and devotee, Husband and wife. He made two things very clear we are going to be alone together and He wants me to rest and enjoy the peace and quiet. He wants me to Himself for a change. If this goes well it’s going to be a thing we do at least once a month. Loki is pushing for one day every week or every two weeks and really that sounds perfect to me. I need this, we need this.

Reopening the Blog

So Loki and I are still together but I took a long break from the Lokean community. Loki even was absent for quite some time at one point and I started to wonder if we had come to the end of our relationship. Nope far from it Loki was busy and so was I.

He had given me the foundation for somethings He wanted me to discover about myself all by myself He wanted me to find my own strength. To finally come to a place where I realized that I was strong and capable all on my own. He knew if he hung around I would never believe it was truly my own accomishments.

It’s been years and they’ve been very good ones. So much has happened and just like before Loki came back when I really needed Him. So we’re in a very happy place He and I like a second honeymoon in fact there is a rededication and a renewal of our vows planned in the very near future. I even plan to go on a solo camping trip just to have some alone time with him without all the distractions of family life and work. Honestly, I’m not sure which one of us is more excited for it.

Gone, Gone,Gone by Phillip Pillips

So another song Loki has communicated to me with. Things have been super rough lately as far as finances go. It’s been one of those situations where we just can’t seem to get ahead no matter what we do. Last night I was talking to a friend about it telling her how I didn’t feel right about going to Loki with those problems. I’d been chastised in a forum group for treating Loki like a replacement for Jesus, and told I was a delusional Lokean and a fake Pagan because I mentioned times when Loki had helped me. My friend in her wisdom told me to just talk to him if for no other reason than to get my worries off my chest . This morning after dropping the mortal spouse off at work I decided to talk to Loki on the drive back home as I pulled onto the driveway to our house this started playing

Sorry For Not Posting For Awhile or Hey I’m Still Alive and Haven’t Dropped Off the Face Of the Earth.

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted mostly because I went back to college to get a degree as a paralegal. It seems the only writing I’ve been able to complete lately has been essays, term papers and legal briefs. Plus at least in my relationship with Loki things seem to go in cycles and seasons Loki is always most present during the warmer months then I don’t see or hear from Him much from say mid-November through March. Once the growing season begins and things turn warm Loki is back right on up through harvest time. It’s just a pattern I’ve noticed over the past several years.

Loki is definitely back and as usual He brings many changes. This year He was very big on the idea of starting a garden I got most of what He wanted done, of course I fell a bit short on cash for all the things He wanted planted. There’s been many suggestions of doing some traveling this summer. Lots of suggestions of going camping, or to the beach, or hey let’s go camping on the beach. I know Loki likes to travel, and it’s something I haven’t gotten much of a chance to do in a long time even though it is something I love too. Those have been Loki’s influences in my day to day life.

In spiritual matters things are turning quite serious again. Loki wants me to start journeying again seems I have lessons to learn Elsewhere again. Loki through me for a bit of a loop recently I had a wedding to Him here, but He never really pushed for one Elsewhere now it seems to be very important to Him. Loki has also stressed getting to know my Disir and starting to honor my ancestors. Despite having read plenty about it especially, on Galina Krasscova’s blog, it’s just something I’ve avoided mostly because my most immediate kin who’ve passed away were fundamentalist Christians, and I’m not sure they’d approve of my going Pagan. Secondly, my dad was adopted and my mother grew up in the foster care system. I don’t know much about either side of the bio family. I know a bit from research I did, but there are more holes to be filled in than things I know for sure about any of them. I’ll try it and see how it goes.

There has also been more interactions with those closest to Loki. Hel has shown up mostly requesting her own alter space, and letting me know there’s a Day of the Dead skull figurine that she really likes that would be perfect on her alter. Besides Hel, I’m having more more interaction with Odin and Angrboda. It would seem that They have been dropping anvil sized hints about the work They want me to do for over a year, and I’d been missing it until recently. When I decided to go back to school I thought it had little to do with any plan They had I even doubted myself as a godspouse because everyone else seemed to have some work to do for Them. Bloggers, spiritworkers, people who could do divination, healers, craftspeople, artists, community leaders, and so on and here I was doing nothing. Then I noticed a certain pull to certain topics I kept coming across articles about feminism and women’s rights, LGBT rights such as gay marriage, the fact that their is still so much racism in America, religious freedom such as the legal battle the Maetreum of Cybele is involved in all these topics I became passionate about. Then it hit me I have a deep interest in Constitutional law if I go into any type of law it will be fighting for the basic rights of others. Shortly after Loki informed me you’ve found your passion and your calling. “We want people willing to fight for our people, and the causes important to Us and them.” He explained not all battles need be fought with weapons some need to be fought with words and intellect. So I’m going to get my degree as a paralegal, and then go on to law school. Besides my college professors it seems that there will be lesson from Loki and Angrboda. Angrboda seems to want to teach me more about diversity and marginalized groups. Odin simply wants an oath that my career will be devoted to helping people in the Pagan/Heathen/Wiccan community.

Getting back to the topic of my Disir Loki has pointed out that he would like me to study one aspect of my ancestry I haven’t explored much. I spent a good couple years trying to trace down my dad’s biological family’s roots and confirming that yes indeed my dad does have Native American ancestry. I’ve learned what I can about the culture and spirituality of that side of the family and incorporated some Native American practices into my own devotional work. My mom’s maiden name is McGee so it’s pretty obvious she has Scottish ancestry. Loki has mentioned what Norse ancestry I have comes mainly from that side of the family, and that it’s a pretty even mix of Norse and Celtic ancestry. So Loki has encouraged me to learn a bit about the Celtic Gods. In doing so I came across this article http://www.druidry.org/library/gods-goddesses/norse-loki-and-celtic-lugh . It certainly brings up an interesting theory I’m not entirely sure if there is a connection or what exactly it is if there is one but I’d love to hear any UPG or research that anyone has on the topic. 

         

   

It’s been…. busy.

I know it’s been awhile since I posted anything, but the past couple weeks have been insanely busy, we’ve had birthdays, back-to-school, family emergencies, a friend who had a nasty car accident and me going back to college. Loki wasn’t joking when He said it was time to get to work. Despite the three ring circus the past couple weeks have been Loki has been pushing me to learn as much as possible. He seems to approve of my return to college, but He has His own lessons He wants me to learn. Professor Loki may actually turn out to assign more homework than my actual college professors. Professor Loki also tends to be random as fuck learn the runes, learn to knit, you need to get back into crafting, w/We’re going to start doing spellwork, you need to learn Buddhist meditation techniques the list goes on. I’m trying to keep up, but I’m beginning to think there may not be enough hours in the day for all this. It’s all very exciting though, and for the most part I’m enjoying learning all these new things, but this blog may take a backseat to real life for awhile.        

Why Racism is Both Ignorant and Pointless

I just found this blog from a post left on Facebook let me say the author brought up some excellent and very valid points considering racism and religion. It certainly gives some people allot to think about when it comes to why the choose to hate.